The Weeping Christian

I created this blog because since moving out to Princeton Theological Seminary, I have lost touch with the "Tay!" that is in the real Taylor Hall. I call it the "Tay!" because this is what my dad called me growing up and to this day, he still does (exclamation point and all). So when I lost touch with this, I lost the essence of the person I have grown to become. Think of what makes you, you. This includes everything you once were and everything you are today; this essence of yours that was built over years. Now rip it off like a band-aid. What do you have left? Well, I don’t know. Instead, it’s better to say what you don't have: you no longer have yourself. Going back to why I created this blog, I'm reconnecting with the "Tay!" that makes me - Taylor Hall - the real me.

If you tell a seminarian here to, "Describe Taylor Hall," I bet 90% of the people would reply by saying, "Who?" It's definitely not their fault; I am completely the one to blame. I’ve isolated myself from everyone because I'm still adjusting to being surrounded by Christians. Not just new people but a whole new type of people. Yes, I know that sounds extremely odd because I knew going into seminary I would be surrounded Christians. But I have this fear that they would look at me and say, "You are too secular to be a Christian." (I purposely use the word “secular” that will be explained another time.) I know this wouldn’t happen, but just in case, at the beginning of the year, I subconsciously created this two-step plan to prevent any of this from happening. First, I need to avoid them and second, I need to be more like them. Do you see where I'm going with this? Avoiding seminarians while trying to become more like them is an oxymoron. And trying to change myself just makes me a moron. This two-step plan was ridiculous, and this is where I lost the "Tay!"

My one experience being surrounded by Christians before this was this past summer when I worked at a Bible Camp. However, since I was around all of these other Christians 24/7 all summer long, this two-step plan never would have worked. I really got to know these people, and I’m so thankful that I did because they became my brothers from many other mothers and my sisters from many other misters.  So outside of seminary, using the same prompt above, "Describe Taylor Hall," you might actually get a description this time. I live life in one of two ways. The first, I see earth as this one big ball of euphoria. The second, I sulk around. Very different but that simple. Next, Humor and I met at a young age, we hit it off right from the start, and we've been soul mates ever since. To me, the best medicine really is laughter. Almost everything I say, I say to be funny and it’s usually accompanied by a hint of wit and sarcasm. The exception is when you need someone to talk to; then I’m a good listener and I would drop everything to be there for you. I would literally drop everything all over the place to make for a more dramatic exit just to be there for you. Which brings me to my last part, empathy is my greatest strength and my worst weakness. Whatever you’re feeling, I immediately start to feel the same way too. People say having emotions is a good thing or maybe they say it’s a bad thing; either way, I'm emotional x10 compared to the average human. This includes the entire spectrum of emotions. And that means, whether I'm happy or sad or anything in-between, I usually end up crying.

Crying = Weeping. This brings us to the title of my blog. I call it The Weeping Christian because I am inspired by Jeremiah in the Bible. Jeremiah, one of the four Major Prophets in the Old Testament, was dubbed by scholars as "The Weeping Prophet" because well, he cried out to The Lord a lot. He lamented. I won't write go into full detail about my thoughts on Jeremiah or his nickname or even why he inspires me in this post. Instead, I’ll just write a shortened list.

(1) He was a loner.

(2) He had a rough life.

(3) He got angry with the One who loves him most.

(4) He is considered to be quite blasphemous at times.

(5) He proved lamenting is a type of prayer.

(5) He weeps.

With that in mind, I’ll write about God, Jesus, The Holy Spirit, The Bible, Christianity, beliefs, faith, grace, love, who I really am, and whatever else comes to mind.

So read this for whatever reason you want. Read it because you yourself are a Christian or read it because you believe something entirely different. Read it to make yourself feel superior to me or read to become more humbled. Read it to completely disagree with everything I have to say or read it to see things from a different perspective. Read it as a joke to get a laugh or read it with the idea of hoping to learn. Read it because sometimes you secretly feel the same way I do or read it because you want to understand why I believe what I believe.

I’m writing to get the “Tay!” back, so maybe read this because you’re like me and somewhere along this journey, you started losing the very thing that makes you, you. These thoughts are already in my head; why not write them down? Jeremiah sure as hell didn’t keep them to himself. I can go around and try to become someone who God didn’t intend for me to become or I can be the person God created me to be – the real Taylor Hall. So here I am, openly admitting and even somewhat proudly, writing this blog as The Weeping Christian.