The Least of These

Matthew 25:34-40

34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

37 Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

40 The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’"

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"First day here at Camp Metigoshe, and I don't know how I'm feeling; maybe ‘conflicted’ is the best way to describe this. I don’t know when I became so shy that I’m afraid to meet new people. It’s not that I fear any of them—they’re all actually really nice, funny, crazy, and accepting—I fear their inner thoughts. I fear what they might think of me; that it is more ‘natural’ for Christians to be cruel, bland, conformed, and judgmental because that has been my experience with many Christians from my past. I want to call them friends, but I’m too afraid to try. Wow, I’m starting to make it sound like I’m the weird, antisocial counselor in the corner. Forever alone. Trying to make myself laugh here. We held our first worship service tonight. It's called Vespers. Vespers is a quiet worship service that is held in the late evening - a time to reflect. The staff is sitting in a large circle, and in the middle of the room is a cross, made out of several logs, each with several holes that line across the middle of each log so that they each may hold several candles. As a staff, we went around our circle, singing slow, beautiful songs while each one of us took a turn lighting a candle. We then passed on the message of 'You are the light of the world' to the person next to us as it became their turn to light a candle. I may have lit a candle, but tonight no light came from me.

One song in particular stood out to me; it's called 'The Lord is my Light.' The lyrics go:

'The Lord is my light. And my salvation.

Whom shall I fear? Whom shall I fear?

The Lord is my strength. The strength of my life.

Of whom shall I be afraid.'

This song stood out to me because it asked, ‘Whom shall I fear?’ I do not fear God like maybe I should. Instead, I fear God’s people and how they may perceive others. I know I should not fear what people think, but I do. Here I am, at a camp where I am supposed to spread my love of the Lord with others, but right now, I’m just lost in the dark."

That was my first journal entry I made this summer while I was working at Camp Metigoshe right outside of Bottineau, ND. It's dated May 20, 2013. I look back at the journal entry, and I am actually shocked, appalled, and disappointed that I wrote that. Because now that the summer is over, I don't feel like that at all. I read it again and again, but it's like I'm reading it from a different perspective. I said I don't fear The Lord, but I did. I feared what others would think of me, and if I feared them, I also feared The Lord. Because if there's something I saw on a daily basis at Camp Metigoshe, it was The Lord through the works of others. It was a lesson on serving people known as the "Least of These." I read that first journal entry I made, and I realize, in that particular moment, I was the least of these. I wasn't actually hungry or thirsty. I wasn't exactly a stranger, and I definitely wasn't naked. I wasn't sick nor was I in prison. But that first night, I felt them all. But God provided me everything I needed. All summer long the staff of Camp Metigoshe served the Lord because it is the Lord who serves all of us.

I was hungry for the reassurance I was meant to be at Camp Metigoshe. But through staff members and campers, I felt like I belonged and that being there was my purpose.

I was thirsty for answers of questions that always made me unsure of myself. But through staff members and campers, I learned faith isn't about having answers; it's about having hope.

I was a stranger as I was different. But through staff members and campers, I was embraced and loved for the person I am. 

I was naked – uncomfortable and hidden. But through staff members and campers, I was clothed with compassion, comfort, and peace. 

I was sick with the feeling of failure. But through staff members and campers, I was told that I do have the calling to make a great pastor someday, and that I was already making a difference. 

And I was in a prison created by myself, to keep myself in and others out. But through staff members and campers, my walls were broken down. Camp Metigoshe is not and never will be a prison for those who come. It is a place to call home. It's a place where my faith grew and where I was surrounded by a family. 

The last week of camp, during our last Bible study for the counselors, we shared our highs and lows of the summer. My lows were forgotten, but for my highs, the list was endless. I thought of memories that were created each week – one group of Pioneers, one group of Discoverers, one group of Seek Week, two Day Camps, three groups of Voyageurs, and two weeks serving as either the Co-Cook or Waterfront Director for two different Trinity Weeks. But if I had to choose my ultimate high: it was the love, support, and acceptance I received every single day from the staff that surrounded me.

We have another song at Camp called "Gonna Dance!" It’s upbeat and fast and allows us to do crazy, fun things such as Dance, Laugh, Jump, Sing, Trout (yes, we trout - it's like a

"Splish-Splash” kind of thing), and Pray "before the Altar of The Lord." And then it goes "Won't be afraid of living anymore; won't be afraid like before!"

I fear The Lord but not in the way that I feared myself or the way I feared living. Instead, my fear is imagining my life without God’s everlasting love. The Lord our God is always there, and it is God who provides us with everything we need. If you ever feel you are the least of these—and trust me, everyone has experienced being the least of these—remember you are not alone. God will always love you; God will love you for exactly the person you were created to be.

I'm done being afraid of living, and instead, I'll be dancing and laughing and jumping and singing and trouting (yep, I'm gonna trout) and praying and whatever else He asks of me. I will serve the least of these and even the best of these because God serves all. And through God, no one will ever be abandoned when they feel like least of these. Regardless who the person is – love them and serve them and let them know they are not alone. The Lord is our light. Follow this light. Let the Lord’s light shine through you. Be the light of the world.

The Weeping Christian

I created this blog because since moving out to Princeton Theological Seminary, I have lost touch with the "Tay!" that is in the real Taylor Hall. I call it the "Tay!" because this is what my dad called me growing up and to this day, he still does (exclamation point and all). So when I lost touch with this, I lost the essence of the person I have grown to become. Think of what makes you, you. This includes everything you once were and everything you are today; this essence of yours that was built over years. Now rip it off like a band-aid. What do you have left? Well, I don’t know. Instead, it’s better to say what you don't have: you no longer have yourself. Going back to why I created this blog, I'm reconnecting with the "Tay!" that makes me - Taylor Hall - the real me.

If you tell a seminarian here to, "Describe Taylor Hall," I bet 90% of the people would reply by saying, "Who?" It's definitely not their fault; I am completely the one to blame. I’ve isolated myself from everyone because I'm still adjusting to being surrounded by Christians. Not just new people but a whole new type of people. Yes, I know that sounds extremely odd because I knew going into seminary I would be surrounded Christians. But I have this fear that they would look at me and say, "You are too secular to be a Christian." (I purposely use the word “secular” that will be explained another time.) I know this wouldn’t happen, but just in case, at the beginning of the year, I subconsciously created this two-step plan to prevent any of this from happening. First, I need to avoid them and second, I need to be more like them. Do you see where I'm going with this? Avoiding seminarians while trying to become more like them is an oxymoron. And trying to change myself just makes me a moron. This two-step plan was ridiculous, and this is where I lost the "Tay!"

My one experience being surrounded by Christians before this was this past summer when I worked at a Bible Camp. However, since I was around all of these other Christians 24/7 all summer long, this two-step plan never would have worked. I really got to know these people, and I’m so thankful that I did because they became my brothers from many other mothers and my sisters from many other misters.  So outside of seminary, using the same prompt above, "Describe Taylor Hall," you might actually get a description this time. I live life in one of two ways. The first, I see earth as this one big ball of euphoria. The second, I sulk around. Very different but that simple. Next, Humor and I met at a young age, we hit it off right from the start, and we've been soul mates ever since. To me, the best medicine really is laughter. Almost everything I say, I say to be funny and it’s usually accompanied by a hint of wit and sarcasm. The exception is when you need someone to talk to; then I’m a good listener and I would drop everything to be there for you. I would literally drop everything all over the place to make for a more dramatic exit just to be there for you. Which brings me to my last part, empathy is my greatest strength and my worst weakness. Whatever you’re feeling, I immediately start to feel the same way too. People say having emotions is a good thing or maybe they say it’s a bad thing; either way, I'm emotional x10 compared to the average human. This includes the entire spectrum of emotions. And that means, whether I'm happy or sad or anything in-between, I usually end up crying.

Crying = Weeping. This brings us to the title of my blog. I call it The Weeping Christian because I am inspired by Jeremiah in the Bible. Jeremiah, one of the four Major Prophets in the Old Testament, was dubbed by scholars as "The Weeping Prophet" because well, he cried out to The Lord a lot. He lamented. I won't write go into full detail about my thoughts on Jeremiah or his nickname or even why he inspires me in this post. Instead, I’ll just write a shortened list.

(1) He was a loner.

(2) He had a rough life.

(3) He got angry with the One who loves him most.

(4) He is considered to be quite blasphemous at times.

(5) He proved lamenting is a type of prayer.

(5) He weeps.

With that in mind, I’ll write about God, Jesus, The Holy Spirit, The Bible, Christianity, beliefs, faith, grace, love, who I really am, and whatever else comes to mind.

So read this for whatever reason you want. Read it because you yourself are a Christian or read it because you believe something entirely different. Read it to make yourself feel superior to me or read to become more humbled. Read it to completely disagree with everything I have to say or read it to see things from a different perspective. Read it as a joke to get a laugh or read it with the idea of hoping to learn. Read it because sometimes you secretly feel the same way I do or read it because you want to understand why I believe what I believe.

I’m writing to get the “Tay!” back, so maybe read this because you’re like me and somewhere along this journey, you started losing the very thing that makes you, you. These thoughts are already in my head; why not write them down? Jeremiah sure as hell didn’t keep them to himself. I can go around and try to become someone who God didn’t intend for me to become or I can be the person God created me to be – the real Taylor Hall. So here I am, openly admitting and even somewhat proudly, writing this blog as The Weeping Christian.