In God We Trust

“In God We Trust” was preached at Sunnyside Presbyterian Church on Sunday, September 25, 2016. Inspirations found in the sermon include Scripture, commentaries, living by faith, money, and God’s providence.

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1 Timothy 6:6-19

6 Of course, there is great gain in godliness combined with contentment;7 for we brought nothing into the world, so that we can take nothing out of it; 8 but if we have food and clothing, we will be content with these.9 But those who want to be rich fall into temptation and are trapped by many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. 10 For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, and in their eagerness to be rich some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pains.

11 But as for you, man of God, shun all this; pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance, gentleness. 12 Fight the good fight of the faith; take hold of the eternal life, to which you were called and for which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses.13 In the presence of God, who gives life to all things, and of Christ Jesus, who in his testimony before Pontius Pilate made the good confession, I charge you 14 to keep the commandment without spot or blame until the manifestation of our Lord Jesus Christ, 15 which he will bring about at the right time—he who is the blessed and only Sovereign, the King of kings and Lord of lords. 16 It is he alone who has immortality and dwells in unapproachable light, whom no one has ever seen or can see; to him be honor and eternal dominion. Amen.

17 As for those who in the present age are rich, command them not to be haughty, or to set their hopes on the uncertainty of riches, but rather on God who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. 18 They are to do good, to be rich in good works, generous, and ready to share,19 thus storing up for themselves the treasure of a good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of the life that really is life.

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In the passage that you just heard, was there there a phrase that stood out to you? Or a phrase that sounds oddly familiar? “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil.” I’m sure you’ve heard it before. “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil.”

Money. That’s what we’re going to be talking about today. And if any of you don’t believe that hazing in the church is a thing, just remember they gave the new guy this topic and this text. They gave the new guy the sermon on money. No, we’re not in stewardship season… yet. Rather, this is a sermon on living by faith with your money. So I think this is good thing that they gave the new guy the sermon on money. It allows us to get to know one another. For you all to get to know me, for me to learn more about all of you, and for all of us together as a church—the body of Christ—to hear what God intended for us when it comes to our income, finances, and money.

From our earliest of years, we’ve made our own assumptions about what money is and what money can do for us. We’ve been developing that assumption ever since. I want you imagine each significant time you have received some kind of money. Whether it was a penny or a nickel as a young child—your first paycheck as a teenager—a gift in the mail at your graduation or wedding—or the first time you received an income as your started your career. Each time you have further developed this assumption. You saw the importance of money. You learned how to handle it. How you should use. What it is for. What it can do. And what it can’t.  Over time, a unique perspective on money was made, and to be honest, for most of us that perspective is a little off of what God intended. For some of us, it is more than a little off—it is way off. Through misinformation, bad habits, foolish choices, and our own desires; our perspective of money has gotten us into trouble.

That is why, in the passage from today found in 1 Timothy, we hear Paul write, “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil.” Our wrong perspective on money is a trap that we have set and fallen into ourselves. It is a trap filled with ruin and destruction. It is filled with sorrow and heartache. It is filled with pain. And as I said, we have set this trap ourselves. These are self-inflicted wounds. In the same way, our perspective on money has created more troubles that just individual problems. We see these problems in global economies, government policies, systematic injustices—these too are self-inflicted wounds. I recognize those troubles, but I believe if we take a moment and consider our own individual perspective on money, we can make a positive change that can be seen across the world. 

Let’s be honest for a second. Too many of us are constantly worried about our finances. We all experience this worry differently, but in one way or another, it is there for all of us. For some us, the struggle comes with not having enough money. How will I pay for this? Can I afford that? Am I able to provide for my family? For others, the struggle comes from spending too much time earning money. Does money really buy happiness? Am I spending too much time away from home? Have I saved and saved but never used my money for something good? This is where the worry begins to set in. The troubles start. The panic ensues. And then we find ourselves trapped all because the assumptions we have made about money.

There’s one big assumption that most of us share that gets us into all kinds of trouble with our money. Here it is: That because we assume money and other material things are in our possession, it is our possession. We’re not wrong to make this assumption. Why wouldn’t we feel that way? We worked hard for our money. We’ve earned our income. We made it through school. We worked long hours at our job. We budgeted and invested just like we should. We’ve achieved success. We deserve this! But when we consider who gave this to us—maybe we don’t. Maybe we don’t deserve what we have. Or at least, we don’t deserve to believe that what we own is ours to own. Maybe in the grander scheme of things when we consider it in relation to God… it is not my money; it is not your money; it is not our money. What we own is not ours to own.

Because we have made the assumption that our money is ours—because we think we can do with it what we please—we make foolish choices. Maybe we have wasted it. We spend money we don’t have to buy the things we don’t need. Or maybe we have become greedy with it. To get more we have spent long hours abandoning the time and life with the people we love. Either way, we haven’t used it for the good God intended it to be used for. It’s this perception that leads us to the ruin and destruction Paul wrote about. It’s dangerous to want more—to waste and to be greedy.

On every dollar bill and every monetary coin in the United States is our motto, “In God We Trust.” This is a reminder we can use every time we receive a paycheck. “In God We Trust.” This is a reminder we can use every time we pay a bill. “In God We Trust.” If we use this reminder every day and believe in what it says, maybe our perception of money will change. We’ll start to believe that we are God’s own and because we are God’s own, what we own is also owned by God. In this, we surrender our power and control—our wealth and our destruction—to God who in return allows us to pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance, and gentleness. In God We Trust.

Is that not what Paul is saying? To place our trust and hope in God. Listen again to the portion of 1 Timothy that we read together: “As for those who in the present age are rich, command them not to be haughty, or to set their hopes on the uncertainty of riches, but rather on God who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. They are to do good, to be rich in good works, generous, and ready to share, thus storing up for themselves the treasure of a good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of the life that really is life.”

We were always destined to pursue a certain quality of life that has nothing to do with money or other material possessions. It is a different kind of wealth. It’s the wealth we celebrate. It is finding our meaning and calling. It is having a sense and a purpose in life. It is investing in something such as the earth that will be enjoyed by generations to come. It is being surrounded by friends and family who love and need us. It is allowing these relationships to grow deeper throughout the years. It is to be grateful for what we have. It is to be thankful for the people we have. It is to celebrate that God is our God and we are God’s children. We do not find our meaning in life by what we can or cannot buy with our money. We find it in our calling to serve God and to serve others. Let us be rich in good works in response to God’s glory and grace. This is our calling. This is how we live faithfully.

In comparison to all of this, money is not the key to happiness. It’s not critical. It’s not at the heart of the matter. But that being said, we have to be honest. We live in a capitalistic society. Money is necessary. It is a tool we have to use. While we would love to focus only on the things that actually provide fulfillment and joy, we have to be realistic and recognize money is a part of life. So how do we use our money in a way that is pleasing to God? Especially when recognize that it is not ours to own but rather God’s.

What would be the odds that every member of this church owns the exact same amount of money? It’s not likely. This church like all churches reflect society as a whole. Some folks have more, some folks have less. But yet it is true. Every member of this church—every single member of society—owns the same amount of money. Nothing. Zip. Nada. Zero.

This is God’s world and we are just one small part of it. Our money is an even smaller part… but even this is also God’s.

Paul is telling us in this passage that assumed ownership is an illusion. After all, it is God who not only created everything but still continues to provide us with everything we need. Paul writes, “We brought nothing into the world, so that can take nothing out of it.”  We’re just passing through this earthly life till one day we head to our heavenly home.

We may control a few things such as money and other material possessions for a while, but we don’t actually own anything. Everything that we think we own will be owned by someone else eventually. It just passes from generation to generation. We do not and never will take our money with us after this life. It will be gone and passed on.

The Bible tells us this over and over. We don’t own a thing. We are just managing it. You and I, we’re just managing God’s stuff. We are managing it for the Great One who does own it. Just because something is in our possession, doesn’t mean it is our possession. It is and always has been and always will be God’s.

Here’s another crucial thought. At some point we have to give an account for it. We have to account for how we’ve managed God’s stuff, God’s money, God’s possessions. A good manager tries to manage well. Wisely. Carefully. Considerably. Not only that, a good manager not only tries to manage well, but a good manager does so out of the respect for the owner. A good manager tries to advance the plans and follows the desires of the owner. If we remember that this owner is God, then this new perspective can change how we handle our money. Maybe we’ll make less foolish choices. We’ll avoid that trap of ruin and destruction. Rather, if we remember it is in God we place our trust and our hope and that we are just managers for God’s stuff—then a miraculous thing happens. We begin to open our eyes and start to see the world just as God sees it.

God doesn’t care about only this or only that. Not just our spiritual bodies or our physical possessions. No, God cares for it all. God owns it all. When we begin seeing the world as God sees it—it alters our perception on money—the needs it can meet—the good it can do! The good that we can do!

Now the moment you’ve been waiting for… you’ve been waiting for me to tell what the good is that you can with your money. But I’m afraid I can’t do that. I can’t tell you to do this or to do that. To give here or the spend it there. No, I can’t do that. After all, I’m just another manager of God’s stuff. What I’m trying to do is for all us to consider our perspective on money in relation to God who is the Owner. So instead of me telling you what to do, you and I both need to go and talk to the Owner. You and I both need to talk to God. I don’t know exactly what God wants each of you to do. The changes God wants each of you to make. I don’t know how God wants you to spend or give your money. You have to go and ask God yourself. Have that conversation. Spend time in prayer. And then as you figure out what God wants for you, go do it.

It is the love of money that traps us. It is the love of God that frees us. Open yourself to a new perspective of viewing your money. Allow it to free you from ruin and destruction. Allow it to let you pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance, and gentleness. Place your trust and hope in God. We are the managers. God is the Ultimate Owner. Open your eyes and allow yourself to see how God sees the world. Use your life and the money you manage and the stuff you possess, use that to glorify God and bring purpose and meaning to your life. This is God’s world. Everything we are and everything we own are a part of that. In God We Trust. That’s where we start. Thanks be to God. Amen.

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Dreamcatcher

“Dreamcatcher” was preached at University of Colorado Health Hospital on Wednesday, July 27, 2016. It was part of the weekly chapel service open to all patients, families, and staff of the hospital regardless of their religious affiliation, spiritual background, faith tradition, or belief system. Inspirations and themes for this short reflection included Scripture, the presence of God, accessibility, commonality, and a universal message.

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Psalm 46

1 God is our refuge and strength,

     a very present help in trouble.

2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change,

     though the mountains shake in the heart of the sea;

3 though its waters roar and foam,

     though the mountains tremble with its tumult.

4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,

     the holy habitation of the Most High.

5 God is in the midst of the city; it shall not be moved;

     God will help it when the morning dawns.

6 The nations are in an uproar, the kingdoms totter;

     he utters his voice, the earth melts.

7 The Lord of hosts is with us;

     the God of Jacob is our refuge.

8 Come, behold the works of the Lord;

     see what desolations he has brought on the earth.

9 He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;

     he breaks the bow, and shatters the spear;

     he burns the shields with fire.

10 “Be still, and know that I am God!

     I am exalted among the nations,

     I am exalted in the earth.”

11 The Lord of hosts is with us;

     the God of Jacob is our refuge.

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Be still, my soul. Be still, your soul. Be still and know who is your God. Be still.

When I was younger, during my early years in elementary school, my parents bought me a small dreamcatcher. Made of interwoven feathers, leather, and twine; it hung for years on my closet door next to my bed. During those nights when I awoke in a sweat of fears, I would look at my little dreamcatcher and allow my fears to be caught into its web of protection. I practiced this same act for years: my fears being continuously defeated by this little interwoven circle. Over the nights, months, and years; my fears would eventually come back and new fears would be formed, but my dreamcatcher was always this same solid source of comfort. I truly believed it to be a shield against my nightmares. It would take my fears and give me back a sense of peace. I was filled with comfort because I believed in what a dreamcatcher could do.

Over the years, my room changed. From galaxy painted walls to posters of rock bands; from my little boy bunk bed to my first “adult” full size bed; everything in my room was changing, but still on my closet, next to my bed, hung my dreamcatcher. As my room changed, so did I and I eventually outgrew my need for my dreamcatcher, or at least I thought I did. However, I couldn’t ever allow myself to get rid of it; it actually never crossed my mind to get rid of it, and so there it hung, for years and years: my little dreamcatcher.

A few weeks ago I went to visit my parents, and as I entered into my childhood bedroom, I saw that little dreamcatcher hanging on my old closet just as it’s always been. I found myself smiling for a moment. How has it survived all these years? And then I thought about how easy it was as a child. To take my fears and give them away to a little interwoven circle of feathers, leather, and twine. It took my nightmares and my worries; it took my grief and my sorrow. It took it all. “Wow,” I thought to myself, “What a gift. That little dreamcatcher.”

What ever happened to the fears of our childhood? Did they go away? Did they cease to exist? Or did they just transform? Become greater as we aged? Did they become just a little more real and tangible, as we no longer just feared for ourselves but also our loved ones? As we feared for our parents, our siblings, our children? Whatever happened to our fears? And whatever happened to our dreamcatcher? Whatever happened to that the force that would give us a sense of peace when our fears overwhelmed us?

Be still, my soul. Be still, your soul. Be still and know who is your God. Be still.

We are told not to be afraid. We are told not to fear. But we are human, and it is only human to fear and to be afraid. It is natural and it is real. To fully rid ourselves of our fears is impossible and to ignore them would be foolish. They are there for a reason. They must be there for a reason. We are human, and we are afraid. That is okay. It is okay to be afraid.

It is okay to be afraid because we are not alone in our fear. We have never been alone. The Lord of Hosts is with us. My God, your God, our God is with us. While this God resonates as the Trinitarian Deity of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit for me, it may be another higher power for you. Justice, compassion, love, or grace; the teachings of Buddha or the God of Jacob; the power of the earth or the experiences of humankind – there is a mighty Dreamcatcher. A Dreamcatcher that comes to us at all times, especially in our times of fear, to be with us. To give us a sense of peace. To show us a sign of presence. To be the calm in the storm. To give us refuge and strength in our troubles. To be our force of protection. What can your Dreamcatcher do? What can your God do? Our fears may be great, but I promise you this, our God is greater.

Be still, my soul. Be still, your soul. Be still and know who is your God. Be still.

Be still. Amen.

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Eternal God,

Send your Holy Spirit into our hearts,

To direct and rule us according to your will,

To comfort us in all our afflictions,

To defend us from all error,

And to lead us into all truth.

We hear your words, O God. We hear your call to us.

Be still and know that I am God.

Be still and know that I am.

Be still and know.

Be still.

Be.

Amen.

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The Present of Presence

“The Present of Presence” was preached at First Presbyterian Church of Sterling, Colorado on Sunday, July 17, 2016. Inspirations for this sermon include Scripture, current events, commentaries, Clinical Pastoral Education experiences, and “Misery” by Anton Chekhov.

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Luke 10:38-42

38 Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a certain village, where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. 39 She had a sister named Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to what he was saying. 40 But Martha was distracted by her many tasks; so she came to him and asked, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself? Tell her then to help me.” 41 But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things; 42 there is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part, which will not be taken away from her.”

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I recently read a short story by late Russian writer and playwright Anton Chekhov as part of the curriculum for my Clinical Pastoral Education as a hospital chaplain. The story is titled, “Misery” with the tagline, “To Whom Shall I Tell My Grief?” The story – written in 1886 – tells the tale of the sledge-driver Iona Potapov as he struggles to tell someone—anyone—about the recent death of his son.  Throughout the night Iona gives rides on his large sled pulled by his mare. Three times Iona attempts to share his grief from the loss of his son. He tells a military officer, he tells a group of drunkards, he tells the young stable boy; all three dismiss Iona’s story and leave Iona to process his grief alone. His story is ignored; his grief builds up; his loneliness sets in. There’s no one to listen to Iona’s story until at the end of the story where Iona goes out into the cold winter stables to visit his mare that pulled his sled all through the night. It is then to her that he shares his grief. Listen to the end of Chekhov’s story:

“The old man sighs and scratches himself.... Just as the young man had been thirsty for water, he thirsts for speech. His son will soon have been dead a week, and he has not really talked to anybody yet.... He wants to talk of it properly, with deliberation.... He wants to tell how his son was taken ill, how he suffered, what he said before he died, how he died.... He wants to describe the funeral, and how he went to the hospital to get his son's clothes. He still has his daughter Anisya in the country.... And he wants to talk about her too.... Yes, he has plenty to talk about now. His listener ought to sigh and exclaim and lament....

"Let's go out and have a look at the mare," Iona thinks. "There is always time for sleep.... You'll have sleep enough, no fear...."

He puts on his coat and goes into the stables where his mare is standing. He thinks about oats, about hay, about the weather.... He cannot think about his son when he is alone.... To talk about him with someone is possible, but to think of him and picture him is insufferable anguish....

"Are you munching?" Iona asks his mare, seeing her shining eyes. "There, munch away, munch away.... Since we have not earned enough for oats, we will eat hay.... Yes,... I have grown too old to drive.... My son ought to be driving, not I.... He was a real cabman.... He ought to have lived...."

Iona is silent for a while, and then he goes on:

"That's how it is, old girl.... Kuzma Ionitch is gone.... He said good-bye to me.... He went and died for no reason.... Now, suppose you had a little colt, and you were the mother to that little colt. ... And all at once that same little colt went and died.... You'd be sorry, wouldn't you?"

The little mare munches, listens, and breathes on her master's hands. Iona is carried away and tells her all about it.”

My chaplain colleagues and I have a running joke as a lesson we took away from this story. When we visit with a patient or a patient’s family, we try to channel the mare. “Be the mare,” we often say, “Be the mare. Be attentive; be aware; be compassionate; be present. Listen to their story. Be the mare….. Be the mare.”

Then we turn to our Gospel reading for today: Jesus visits the sisters Mary and Martha. The story is relatable to Chekhov’s for there is one character that is attentive and aware and compassionate and present. There is one character that listens to the story. Similar to the mare, we have the character Mary. Be the mare. Be the Mary.  But what about Martha? Reading this story would cause one to think the Mary did everything right and Martha did everything wrong… but this isn’t completely true. Let me explain.

Chapter ten in the Gospel of Luke is filled with acts and challenges for Christians today to follow. It has the mission of the seventy where Jesus tells seventy of his followers to go into the towns ahead of them to evangelize, heal the sick, and spread peace. Jesus tells them to go into houses and to eat and drink whatever their hosts provide. “Go on your way,” he tells them, “Go.”

Then directly preceding Jesus’ visit to Mary and Martha is The Parable of the Good Samaritan. It is a well-known parable that tells the story of a man who during his journey from Jerusalem to Jericho fell into the hands of robbers. As the man laid there crippled on the road, two times was he passed and ignored. It wasn’t until a Samaritan saw the man, bandaged his wounds, and took him to the nearest inn where the Samaritan paid for the man’s recovery. Jesus’ lesson in this parable was for his followers to be like the Samaritan. “Go and do likewise,” he tells them. “Go. Do.”

So can we really blame Martha? She was going and doing, going and doing. She was being a good host. She was extending hospitality to her guest.  She was trying to listen to and follow the very advice that Jesus had just given to his followers. Going and doing. But Martha became distracted by this advice, and she became worried by Jesus’ teachings. In fact, in attempt to be a good host, Martha lost what makes a host a good host in the first place: attentiveness, awareness, compassion, and presence.

Mary, on the other hand, did not help her sister. She was not going or doing. Rather, she sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to what he was saying. She was present with Jesus, and Jesus was present with her. When Martha complained at the lack of her sister’s help, Jesus invites Martha to do the same as her sister Mary reminding Martha that his presence is the thing needed and the thing that will not be taken away from them.

What Martha did wasn’t completely wrong. What Mary did wasn’t completely right. Mary was just able to discern what was better in that moment, and in that moment the sisters needed to be with Jesus. They needed to sit at Lord’s feet and receive his words. They needed to be in his presence for at that moment; that was his gift to them. It was the present of presence, and I think we could all use that same gift today, a reminder that we are in the presence of one another and in the presence of the Lord.

This summer has been filled with pain and grief, sorrow and anguish. From the shooting in Orlando where 49 LGBTQ people of color were shot down to deaths of Alton Sterling and Philando Castile. From police officers lives that were lost in Dallas and Baton Rouge to terrorist attacks overseas. In Turkey, in France, In Syria. In the Middle East. Even this week on Wednesday, July 20 is the four-year anniversary of the Aurora movie theatre shooting.  It’s these events and these acts of violence that make me want to scream and cry and lament, “How long, O Lord? How long?”

And then I read a story like Chekhov’s where a man tells his grief to a mare or the story where Jesus invites Mary and Martha to be in his presence, and I am reminded that I am not alone. I am reminded that God—the Creator, Redeemer, and Sustainer of all life—is present this day and all of days. This is promised, and this will not be taken away. The very presence of God, Christ, and the Spirit will not be taken away. They cannot be taken away. No worries or distractions can take them away. No amount of grief or sorrow or pain or anguish can take them away. Nothing. Nothing can or will take them away for it is written nothing in creation will separate us from the love and grace and presence of our Lord and Savior.

We live in a society where we believe our worth is measured by how busy we are, what we accomplish, or how well we meet the expectations of others. It’s okay to be busy and it’s okay to succeed… but when it feels like the world is falling down around us, we need to be reminded of something else. If it’s your world or the world of the people you love, if it’s the world of your neighbor or the world of the strangers across the globe, know this. When the world falls down around you, God stands taller and mightier and greater. Be reminded of this. We are called to be in the gracious presence of Jesus. We are called to listen to his words. We are called to remember that we are not valued for what we do or how well we do it, but simply for the fact that we are individually, wonderfully, and fearfully made children of God.

Our hearts may break, but they will be healed. Our souls may shatter, but they will be restored. 

Neither Mary nor Martha were wrong. Martha went and did. Mary listened and received. The challenge is to discern when one over the other is better in that moment. Listening and doing.  Being in the presence of God and serving our neighbor. Both are vital to Christian life. It’s like inhaling and exhaling. One is not better than the other, but both are necessary for us to breathe. Both work in partnership to fill our lungs with fresh air, so that we may continue on our way. Like the breath that fills our bodies, God’s presence fills our soul, so that we may continue to receive God’s Word and to serve our neighbors. Be the mare. Be the Mary. Be the Martha. Be you in the presence of God.

My friends, Jesus invites you to sit and rest at his feet and to hear his words of beauty and truth. He calls you to know that you are loved beyond measure and valued without comparison. You are a child of God; we are all children of God. Be renewed in your faith and be strengthened for your service. God is with you this day and all of days. It is the gift of grace. It is the present of presence. Thanks be to God.

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Gracious God, Merciful God, Loving God; we ask you remind us of your presence. Be with us in our times of grief and suffering. This world is filled with pain, but it is also filled with joy. Help us to remember that. Allow us to sit at your feet and receive your Word. Allow us to go out and serve our neighbor. Allow us to love the same way you love us. We know nothing can separate us from your presence, O God, and we give you thanks for that. Your love and grace are gifts of abundance to us. In Christ’s name we pray, Amen.

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What God Will Do

“What God Will Do” was preached at Lawrence Road Presbyterian Church on Sunday, May 22, 2016. It was my “farewell” sermon after two years of working there as a pastoral intern. Inspirations and themes for this sermon include Scripture, the doctrine of the Trinity, a guided meditation experience, testimony, and the preparation for whatever is next.

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John 16:12-15

12 “I still have many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now. 13 When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth; for he will not speak on his own, but will speak whatever he hears, and he will declare to you the things that are to come. 14 He will glorify me, because he will take what is mine and declare it to you. 15 All that the Father has is mine. For this reason I said that he will take what is mine and declare it to you.”

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At our Love of God youth retreat… towards the beginning of the weekend… on the first morning right after breakfast as some of our youth are still in the process of waking up, one of the adults reads a “Walking with Jesus” meditation. During this time we invite the youth and the adults that are listening to find their own private space as they imagine a place and time where they come before Jesus and let him know about anything that is on their mind or their heart. The meditation guides the listeners through a thoughtful, interesting spiritual discipline that actually allows the individual to have their own private conversation with Jesus. This year, my meditation went a little like this.

I found myself in a room. Not too big and not too small. It was a good-sized, average room. And it was white. White everywhere. White walls, a white ceiling, a white floor. And it wasn’t the bad, boring kind of white décor. It was clean and radiant, warm and inviting. There was no visible light source, yet the room was filled with this pure, glowing light. Not one single shade of darkness or shadow made its way across the room. It was all white and light and warm. I found myself in the center of this white room feeling at peace with what was surrounding me.

Also in the center of the room was giant, plump sofa chair. It was a red chair--crimson to be specific. The chair was large enough that I could sprawl my body out and take a nap yet small enough that I could sit up straight and it would be tightly snug against my body. It was perfectly molded to me. It was the type of chair you would find in front of a fireplace in a log cabin or surrounded by cases of books in the middle of magical library. The room was white; the chair felt right, so here I was, still feeling at peace. Even more so, I felt comfortable and relaxed. I was calm.

But this feeling did not last. The meditation guides the listener to imagine Jesus is coming, and I found myself still in the white room sitting on my red chair, but suddenly I saw a figure in the distance. The room doesn’t open or expand, but as part of the white wall itself, a black figure—small, blurry and hazy—started to appear. As I continued to stare, the black figure became larger, clearer, and more profound. I had a sense that it was coming towards me, but I questioned where was it coming from at all. It was just… there. A black figure coming from the white wall while I sit in my red chair…

As the black figure continued to come towards me, the room around me was transformed. The white walls seemed to now shine with a harsh, bright light. The red chair felt like a sharp rock against back. The figure was now in front of me, but I could not allow myself to look up at his face. I could only stare at his feet. I noticed the piercings in his black feet.

The black figure called to me, but I could only continue to stare at his feet. I was uncomfortable and afraid. As he invited me to look unto his face, anxiety came rushing back like a wild flood of water. I refused. I couldn’t. I kept staring down as I said, “I’m not ready… I’m not ready….” He whispered in a voice that I could hear within me and around me, “Be still and know that I am God.” But I just kept repeating over and over, “I’m not ready…. I’m not ready…. I’m not ready….”

Being a pastor was never a part of my plan. Yes, I believe it was always a part of God’s plan, but it was never a part of mine. It wasn’t my childhood dream or aspiration. I didn’t imagine it in middle school or high school. It didn’t even cross my mind until my final year of college. Even then I said, “Being a pastor is maybe something I’m called to… but probably not!”

It was the “maybe” that brought me to seminary and it was the “maybe” that changed my life for the better. But every step of the way, from my youngest of years to my first year of seminary, I resisted God and this plan in every way that I could. Like in my meditation before, I just found myself repeating over and over through the years, “I’m not ready… I’m not ready… I’m not ready…”

Then I found myself at Lawrence Road Presbyterian Church as just another seminarian intern. The past two years have been quite the journey and experience. Now I know Lawrence Road has had many interns over the years, some who continue to worship here, so I figured the congregation must know the feeling of almost what to expect. They expect a seminarian who has much to learn, which they are right to expect as I had much to learn. They notice each seminarian’s unique strengths and weaknesses, and they choose to support the seminarian in both. For me, a weakness was I never smiled during worship during my first few months, and yet the congregation chose to love and support me anyway. Although the congregation at Lawrence Road kind of know what to expect with each new seminarian, the seminarian has no idea what he or she is getting into at Lawrence Road. I had no idea what I was getting into at Lawrence Road.  It came at such a formational, transitional time in my life. It was a time as I began to truly live into my calling to ministry. I was still telling God, “I’m not ready!” but God said, “I will make you ready. Through the people and experiences at Lawrence Road, I will make you ready.”

That is exactly what happened. Through many Sunday School classes to even more Sunday worship services; through weddings and funerals and even an ordination service; through youth group and community dinners; in sickness and in health; in richer and poorer-er-er; I was being made ready to serve Christ and the people of Christ. This was all done in two years… but Lawrence Road has been there for 100 years. In the fall, the congregation of Lawrence Road celebrated their 100^th year! I remember sitting with all of them outside under a large canopy as the Rev. Dr. Nina Reeder preached a sermon titled, “What God Has Done For Us.” At the end of the sermon, Nina read off testimonies that members of the congregation wrote stating exactly what the title suggests, “What God has done for us.” As I heard each of those testimonies, I felt blessed by a church that supports individuals and its community, and I felt blessed by God who supports the church that supports individuals and its community.

But still I had that same feeling of not feeling ready I remember thinking, “God has done so much at just this church alone; how can I do this?” But that brings us to our Gospel lesson from today. A message fitting for Trinity Sunday, as we are all still being made ready for what’s next—whatever “next” is.

In a farewell sermon that lasts almost four chapters in the Gospel of John (John 14-17), Jesus took a moment to declare, “I still have many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now.” How frustrating that must have been for the disciples! How ambiguous and unclear! At this point, the disciples have been told to be merciful, to be pure in heart, to be the peacemakers. They have been told the most important commandment is to love God and the second is to love their neighbor. They were told that life wouldn’t always been easy for them but that they shouldn’t worry. They were told they MUST take up their cross. And right when they’re on the edge of learning the meaning of life, right as they are about to be handed the key to all light, grace, and truth; Jesus says (in my own paraphrase), “I cannot tell you. I will not tell you. I want to – I really want to, but you are not ready. None of you are ready.”

I believe Christ continues to hang us on this balance of seeing what God has done and knowing what God will do. We suppose it would be easy to see what God has done. This is not always the case. Sure, we can look back on our lives and see where God had intervened. We give thanks for our blessings and we remember our happy times. We recall the moments we rejoiced and we smile at the memories where we gave God our praise. But we also remember our hardships, our time of grief and sorrow. We may ask ourselves, “Where was God there? Why did I need to be sad… or angry… or depressed… or filled with hate? What did God do there?” And if it is hard for us to see all the things that God has done, it must be even more difficult to know what God will do—to believe in what God can do. In our times of trial, what do we believe about the actions of God? Are we ready for what life can throw at us? Are we ready for what God will do for us? Are we ready to walk with Jesus? In a white room or in a garden? Before the banquet feast or in the heavenly kingdom? Are we ready? Christ, as told in this passage, tells us that we are not. My friends, we are not ready.

But maybe that’s the point. That it is okay that we are not ready. That we might not ever be fully, completely, 100% ready. That even on our days when we shout, “But God, I am ready!” and even on the days we when cry, “O Lord, I am not!” that either way God replies, “Be still and know that I am God… Ready or not, I am God… And I am with you always, to the end of the age.”

That’s the message I want to leave you with. Life will take each of us on our own separate journey, and each of you will experience life completely different from the person next to you. Your story will be different than her story, and her story will be different than his story. You will face hardships. You will lose loved ones. Jobs will come and go. You will experience sickness, maybe something small or maybe something that impacts your life forever. Any day you could feel sad and then angry and then frustrated or upset, maybe even depressed or filled with sorrow, hate, and grief. We know life will hit us hard at times, but we also know can never be ready for it.

Because if our God can put Godself upon to cross to die and defeat death in resurrection glory, then we know that our God can turn our greatest sorrows into our greatest joys... but we are not ready for this. In our human brokenness, we have become comfortable with what life is and not with what life could be. Remember, we have been given new life in Christ; a life where something is actively working within us and around us. We have been given a life where even when we experience hardships, we will also experience times that make us smile…. And laugh…. And feel loved and accepted and ready. That’s the Spirit. That’s the power of the Spirit.

Even if we do not understand it, the Spirit is there. Even if we are not ready for it, the Spirit is there. Let me say it again and again: The Spirit is there. The Spirit has been there. The Spirit will be there. For whatever is next and wherever your individual journey takes you, the Spirit will work within you to make you ready. This is what God will do.

Jesus tells us in John 14:6, “I am the way, the truth, and the light.” In our passage today, verse 13 says, “When the Spirit of Truth comes, he will guide you into all truth.”

We will be led into all truth. The Truth of the world and the Truth of heavenly kingdom. Christ the king, the Truth, is already inside you. New, eternal life has been given to you, and love over- and ever-flows towards you. The days when you find yourself separated from anything good, the days when you feel separated from the Truth; that’s when the Spirit will guide you once again. Your Truth is already there, and the Spirit will make it known. The Truth is you are loved beyond measure; the Truth is Christ.

What God has done and what God will do… I give thanks. Father, Spirit, and Son – ready or not – they are at work. One God in three Persons, the Truth and Light of the world. The Trinity – the Way for our journey.

As my time at Lawrence Road Presbyterian came to the end, I found myself back in that white room standing before the black figure once again saying, “I’m not ready… I’m not ready…”

But I could not stay in that red chair forever… and neither can you. The black figure extends his hand, and we must grab it, even if we are not ready, we must grab it. We will be made ready in Christ. It is time to break down the walls. It is time to see what life can be. It is time to walk with Jesus, and it is time to let the Spirit guide us into all Truth—the Truth that is Christ. Thanks be to God. Amen.

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O God, we give thanks for this day. In our human brokenness, we consistently tell you and show you that we are not ready. We know the great things you have done for us, but sometimes we lose hope in the great things we know you will do. Restore our hope in us, O God. Fill us with your Spirit to guide us into all Truth. Prepare us; make us ready. You are our Truth, O God, and we give you our greatest praise and glory. In Christ’ name we pray. Amen.

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